My kid likes to see me squirm

Walking home from school today and there are quite a few golden orb weaver spiders arround the neighbourhood. BIG ones.
Kiddo asked me what my favourite spider is and I answered her with the golden orb weaver. There’s just something magical about a creature so amazing. Their webs are like they’re spun with rays of afternoon sunlight.

She then asked me how many types of spider there are in the world, to which I had no answer and quite frankly the spider talk was starting to make me a little jumpy.

After a moment’s silence she asked me what the most amazing spider I knew of was. So I told her about the net casting spider. I described it like it goes fishing but catches bugs instead. I think by this time she had images of fishing rods and wading boots in her head, so I held up my arms and walked with a wide gait to show her how it caught the bugs.

She suddenly wanted to go inside away from the possible embarrisment I was inflicting on her.

So I sat down to try and find a youtube clip to show her what I meant. (I didn’t want to get my lanky arms caught in the ceiling fan)

Mid google search she asked me what the worlds biggest spider was, so I googled that too, and the site had a link to a guy playing with his goliath bird eating spider.

This sent me into instant eebygeeby mode. Lots of ewwwws and blaaaaaaaaaaaaahs and yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s were making her giggle. The little ratbag was even running her nails up and down my arms lightly.

See thing is, she thinks I’m joking. That freaking spider was making me freak out like whoa. Yuck!

Now I can photograph a spider with a 500mm lense so I don’t have to be ANNNNYWHERE near it and be quite happy. I can even deal a killing blow to a huntsman spider with a platform shoe. I also can flick a redback onto the ground and make her eat dirt quicker than you could say holy crap batman!
I can happily walk under the webs of our local orb weavers and look up in awe.

Do not however… ever… ever… EVER! Ask me to go near a live golliath terantulla. I will do whatever necessary to kill it. I will be packing Raid. I will have no sense of emotion toward the bleeping thing but KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT KILLIT!!!!

Drown it, stab it, jump on it, drop a porche on it’s head. I do NOT care.

Spiders are so much prettier when they’re not as big as your head. I don’t want the risk of it eating my face.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Que
    Jan 28, 2011 @ 09:11:10

    Thanks for giving me about 30 minutes of looking things up and watching the videos. That Goliath is FREAKIN AWESOME!!! I want one. My wife would never let me have it. She’s the same with snakes too. But I have been trying to convince her if she lets me have either that would ensure that her mother-in-law would never visit.

    She’s thinking about it.

    Reply

    • Belinda's Baubles
      Jan 28, 2011 @ 19:09:00

      I thought about the in law expelling value of one of these monsters, but alas I would not be able to sleep well at night unless it was curled into an unsatisfying little ball. Anyone else ever noticed how pathetic a size even the biggest spiders compact into when deaded?
      I swear dear it was as big as my outstretched hand when it was crawling up the wall.

      Reply

  2. Lessian
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 12:54:32

    spiders freak me the hell out but I hate the idea of killing them. the only ones that i would ever kill are the dangerous ones like redbacks and whitetails. after my last redback incident at northgate, I did an obsessive amount of reading on spidies. did you know that a female funnelwebs fang can easily pierce a thumbnail? my fav spider is the happy face spider from hawaii. do a google on it, it literally has a big smiley face on its bum!

    Reply

  3. Margaret Mager
    Jan 30, 2011 @ 07:08:33

    Reminds me of gathering kindling on my grandies farm as a child. Under the HUGE fig tree, innocently picking stuff up – SPIDERS!!!! One on head, two crawling up leg!!! Instant freak-out, lifetime of arachniphobia.

    Reply

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